Crocktown

"On a normal weekend, we only pull in about $80 in sales, but I spend $600 in utilities and labor. People just are not buying widgets. So for me, getting to close means not losing $520 this weekend."

And it just gets better, Schmidt says. Local television stations which normally charge thousands to air commercials will repeat the name of the Widget Shoppe dozens of times today on the scrolling "Closings and Delays" banner at the bottom of their screens, in addition to listing it on their websites. Schmidt hopes this will bring in a few more customers who perhaps weren't aware that widgets were available locally.

"If it could just snow until the economy gets better, I think we might actually make it," Schmidt says.

"Basically I've met with some key legislators and outlined my suggestions, but it's up to them to handle any crises," McDongle said today. "That's my strategy for dealing with the state budget, transportation issues, and pretty much everything. If I try to lead too much, people might blame me when things go wrong. I'm hoping we can just wait this one out.

"The snow will melt eventually, you know," he added, trying to look and sound presidential.

Although McDongle's lack of response is being criticized by state Democrats, local Republican state senator Mick Orbitshave says he's on the right track. Orbitshave, a frequent critic of the Virginia Department of Transportation, says that VDOT would just be wasting money anyway if the governor ordered it into action. "Did you know that they have people just sitting in trucks waiting for the snow to arrive, sometimes hours before the snow begins to fall? Wasteful. They also put a little too much salt on the road in some places and I don't care for the width of their snowplows. Why can't VDOT use temporary employees and magically appear only at the times and places needed and then not cost us any money otherwise? I demand that VDOT be not only transparent, but also clairvoyant."

When asked for his response to Orbitshave's comments, McDongle gave a noncommittal shrug.

Image from Wikimedia Commons.

"This thesis describes some pretty radical views on abortion, taxes, gay rights, public education, and welfare," says McDonnell spokesman Nip Tucker. "But I think we can safely assume that he's moderated his views on these topics and they would in no way influence his decisions as governor."

Tucker says using the thesis would be unfair, deceptive, and dishonest. He added that Deeds was only 26 when he wrote the thesis, entitled "The Democratic Party's Vision for the Family."

"We read over it, and he's only tried to legislate a few of the things he talks about in there, so we just don't think it's relevant to this year's race," Tucker says.

"In this economic climate, we are forced to take steps to right-size our inmate population, so that we can better leverage the synergies of our remaining human capital," Fourleaf said, reading from his standard speech.

Shocked inmates who received the news were told to clean out their areas and were escorted out by security.

Fourleaf said, "This hurts to do, but it's all the result of making hard choices. Is our community put in more danger by releasing these non-violent prisoners or by reducing our police force? If things turn around, we'll bring these folks back, but for now we've got to cut costs and it just doesn't make sense to spend our money on these prisoners rather than law enforcement."

Photo by hiddedevries.

Vick was barred from playing professional football in 2007 after pleading guilty to involvement in a dog-fighting ring, but Mitthews says that didn't bother him much. "The JMU football program is a second-chance kind of place," he says.

Mitthews adds, "Without saying too much, we already had a bunch of promotional ideas involving Vick and the Duke Dog. Vick had some real funny ideas, but I guess we're not going to be able to use them now."

James Hensley says: "Our family is pretty upset about all this. We always buy bottled water from Chiefy's and those jugs barely fit in the microwave."

Janice Dovel says: "I can live with it, since they say the new water source will be ready later this month. I just boil a whole bunch at once and keep it in the fridge. When my cousins come over from Shenandoah, I give them tap water since the boil order is just for Elkton residents."

For example, the seven scattered verses condemning homosexuality are printed so that they can be read without a magnifying glass, while large sections detailing the sins of the Pharisees are not. The most popular Bible memory verses are generally in the larger font, while the swathes of verses surrounding them are, for the most part, not.

"Let's make this very clear," says VFF leader Don Waltzy. "We are NOT removing any verses from the Holy Scriptures. We're just making it easier to see the really important ones."