Let It Snow, Says Struggling Businessman

HARRISONBURG - For business owner Jason Schmidt, the snow is only a good thing. His store, the Widget Shoppe, has been barely making it for the last two years in a down economy. With all of his original startup money gone, Schmidt says the snow provides a welcome relief from another day of losses.

"On a normal weekend, we only pull in about $80 in sales, but I spend $600 in utilities and labor. People just are not buying widgets. So for me, getting to close means not losing $520 this weekend."

And it just gets better, Schmidt says. Local television stations which normally charge thousands to air commercials will repeat the name of the Widget Shoppe dozens of times today on the scrolling "Closings and Delays" banner at the bottom of their screens, in addition to listing it on their websites. Schmidt hopes this will bring in a few more customers who perhaps weren't aware that widgets were available locally.

"If it could just snow until the economy gets better, I think we might actually make it," Schmidt says.

Image courtesy of Denis Jacquerye from Wikimedia Commons.

McDongle Punts on Snow Response

RICHMOND - Although he campaigned on a responsive government, newly-elected Governor Rob McDongle is not planning to order the state government to do anything about the winter weather which is quickly covering roads, downing power lines, and creating hazardous conditions around Virginia today. He says he's waiting for a "legislative fix" to the huge snowstorm enveloping the state this weekend.

"Basically I've met with some key legislators and outlined my suggestions, but it's up to them to handle any crises," McDongle said today. "That's my strategy for dealing with the state budget, transportation issues, and pretty much everything. If I try to lead too much, people might blame me when things go wrong. I'm hoping we can just wait this one out.

"The snow will melt eventually, you know," he added, trying to look and sound presidential.

Although McDongle's lack of response is being criticized by state Democrats, local Republican state senator Mick Orbitshave says he's on the right track. Orbitshave, a frequent critic of the Virginia Department of Transportation, says that VDOT would just be wasting money anyway if the governor ordered it into action. "Did you know that they have people just sitting in trucks waiting for the snow to arrive, sometimes hours before the snow begins to fall? Wasteful. They also put a little too much salt on the road in some places and I don't care for the width of their snowplows. Why can't VDOT use temporary employees and magically appear only at the times and places needed and then not cost us any money otherwise? I demand that VDOT be not only transparent, but also clairvoyant."

When asked for his response to Orbitshave's comments, McDongle gave a noncommittal shrug.

Image from Wikimedia Commons.

Deeds Thesis "Not a Big Deal"

RICHMOND - Bob McDonnell's campaign announced this morning that they have uncovered a 25 year old document written by Creigh Deeds when he was a law student at Wake Forest University, but are choosing not to make a big deal out of it.

"This thesis describes some pretty radical views on abortion, taxes, gay rights, public education, and welfare," says McDonnell spokesman Nip Tucker. "But I think we can safely assume that he's moderated his views on these topics and they would in no way influence his decisions as governor."

Tucker says using the thesis would be unfair, deceptive, and dishonest. He added that Deeds was only 26 when he wrote the thesis, entitled "The Democratic Party's Vision for the Family."

"We read over it, and he's only tried to legislate a few of the things he talks about in there, so we just don't think it's relevant to this year's race," Tucker says.

Photo by KentonNgo.

WHSV Assigns Reporter to WHSV Studio

HARRISONBURG - Local television station WHSV-TV3, recognizing an "underserved market where lots of news is happening," has assigned a reporter to the WHSV studio itself.

"You know, last week it was a suspected gas leak at the studio, and this week it was an arrested reporter," says News Director Ted Roams.

"We are realizing that this is a local community where news is happening, and we don't want to miss any further developments here just because we're too focused on other communities."

Roams has put cub reporter Maria Chu-Gonzalez-Hamilton-Otembe on the job. During a typical day, he says, she might travel from the lobby to as far away as the sales department or the parking lot in search of breaking news. Today, for example, she is working on a human interest story about an employee's cute new baby as well as a hard-hitting expose on who keeps drinking the last of the coffee without making a new pot.

Since assigning the reporter, Roams says, people in the WHSV community have started turning to the station's website for news soon after arriving at work, rather than going to the Daily News-Record or local blogs first.

Image from Wikipedia. Real stories at WHSV here and here.

Jail Lays Off 100 Inmates

HARRISONBURG - Budget cuts are forcing the Rockingham-Harrisonburg Regional Jail to deliver some surprising news to a significant portion of its inmates: they're being let go. In a series of meetings over the last few days, Sheriff Dan Fourleaf has been calling affected inmates into his office one by one and giving them a pink slip to wear with their prison uniforms, signifying their imminent dismissal.

"In this economic climate, we are forced to take steps to right-size our inmate population, so that we can better leverage the synergies of our remaining human capital," Fourleaf said, reading from his standard speech.

Shocked inmates who received the news were told to clean out their areas and were escorted out by security.

Fourleaf said, "This hurts to do, but it's all the result of making hard choices. Is our community put in more danger by releasing these non-violent prisoners or by reducing our police force? If things turn around, we'll bring these folks back, but for now we've got to cut costs and it just doesn't make sense to spend our money on these prisoners rather than law enforcement."

Photo by Brent Finnegan.

Former Sheriff to Plead Guilty

LURAY - News from the Daily Noise Recorder indicates that former Page County Sheriff Mann E. “Manny” Presscock will plead guilty on Thursday in U.S. District Court in Harrisonburg. He was indicted in October 2008 on a multitude of charges ranging from racketeering to sexual harassment. Former Virginia Attorney General Harry Gilcork heads up Presscock’s legal team.

Presscock formally resigned his position as the top law enforcement officer in Page County on February 21. At that time, Presscock hand-delivered his resignation to Tommy LaParis, chairman of the Page County Board of Supervisors. LaParis, wearing a big yellow hat, stated: “It is with great sadness that we accept his [Presscock’s] resignation; despite the fact that Manny has received over 20 federal indictments, it’s okay because we still love him and he’s a good little sheriff.”

During his 2004 bid for reelection, Presscock allegedly accepted campaign contributions in exchange for keeping silent about a local cockfighting ring known as “Little Hollerwood” near Stanley. Gilcork stated that he agreed to take on the case because he believes cockfighting should be legal in Virginia. “Where I’m from, we’ve always had chickens in our backyards – and they weren’t for the eggs,” he grinned.

Several former female employees who had worked under Presscock in the Sheriff’s office charged him with inappropriate sexual advances. Page Countians have had mixed feelings about the whole mess. Joni “Hot Stuff” Homer, of Shenandoah, was initially flattered when the Sheriff winked at her. “If the Sheriff can’t flirt, then who can?” queried Homer. Her boyfriend, Larry Bubbage, had a different take on the situation: “It was ok as long as it was other girls, but the minute he flirted with my woman, he was finished.”

Former longtime Sheriff Bernard “Puppy” Wedsick expressed disappointment of Presscock’s behavior. “I sort of knew about some of these goings-on, but I never thought it would be a bunch of chickens that would bring him down.”

Story and picture provided by Dutch Valley Gal.

Talkback: New College Courses

JMU students moved back in this week, and EMU and Bridgewater students come back soon too. What are some helpful courses you'd like to see offered by local colleges this year?

Photo by hiddedevries.

Talkback: Bizarre Foods

The Travel Channel has a show called Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. If someone was looking for bizarre or unique foods in the Harrisonburg area, what would you suggest they try?

Photo by jschneid.

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Photo by Randy Lowery. If you're a shutterbug and want to see your work online, submit your photos to the hburgnews Flickr group. Be sure to set your copyright notice according to your wishes.

BREAKING: McDongle Pledges $$$ for Spaceport

WALLOPS ISLAND - Virginia gubernatorial candidate Rob McDongle said today that he would pump several million dollars more in state funding for a commercial spaceport on Virginia's Eastern Shore. "We want to get ahead of the game in making Virginia the best place to do business, not only in the United States but also in the entire Milky Way," McDongle said today in prepared remarks.

Democratic critics point out that money has recently been cut from state spending on K-12 education, VDOT, and the state's annual Columbus Day party. Spending millions on a spaceport, they say, is not the best use of money in the current budget climate. A McDongle spokesman says the spaceport is predicted to bring in millions of dollars in revenue by 2029, and that future money can be used to buy Virginians a ticket to states (or planets) with adequate schools, roads, and holiday gatherings.

However, even some Republicans are wary of McDongle's proposal, noting that this seems to be a move away from his previously strong stance against handouts for undocumented aliens.

In recent polling, McDongle had the support of 47% of likely Virginia voters, although after today's announcement his numbers are expected to rise sharply in the influential sci-fi nerd community.

Photo by nashpreds99. Real story at WHSV and Rasmussen Reports.

Vick Chooses Eagles Over JMU Job

HARRISONBURG - JMU head football coach Mackey Mitthews expressed disappointment late yesterday that Michael Vick has signed a contract to play with the Philadelphia Eagles. Mitthews revealed that he had secretly been in "serious negotiations" with Vick to come on as an assistant football coach, but the deal fell through when the more lucrative return to the NFL came along.

Vick was barred from playing professional football in 2007 after pleading guilty to involvement in a dog-fighting ring, but Mitthews says that didn't bother him much. "The JMU football program is a second-chance kind of place," he says.

Mitthews adds, "Without saying too much, we already had a bunch of promotional ideas involving Vick and the Duke Dog. Vick had some real funny ideas, but I guess we're not going to be able to use them now."

Photo by jbard09. Real stories at WHSV and the DNR.

It Really Is Something in the Water

ELKTON - For several days now, the town of Elkton has been advising residents to boil water before consuming it after high levels of potentially dangerous contaminants were found in samples tested by a state agency. Crocktown spoke to several locals for reactions:

James Hensley says: "Our family is pretty upset about all this. We always buy bottled water from Chiefy's and those jugs barely fit in the microwave."

Janice Dovel says: "I can live with it, since they say the new water source will be ready later this month. I just boil a whole bunch at once and keep it in the fridge. When my cousins come over from Shenandoah, I give them tap water since the boil order is just for Elkton residents."

Lurlene Knight says: "I told my husband that it would be easier to boil the water in a pot on the stove, but he thinks this is a good opportunity to use his new acetylene torch. I'm running through plastic cups like crazy."

Peewee Shifflett says: "I haven't boiled any water yet. I'll be okay, though, because I just use it to make Kool-Aid, so when I drink it, it's not water anymore."

Photo by Joe Shlabotnik. Real story at WHSV.

New Bible Version Released

HARRISONBURG - Large-print Bibles are nothing new, but one local organization is shaking things up by publishing a Bible filled with, mostly, very small print. Later this week, the Harrisonburg-based Valley Family Forum is releasing a new translation of the Bible printed almost entirely in 2-point font, with several specially selected passages and sentence fragments printed in 12-point font.

For example, the seven scattered verses condemning homosexuality are printed so that they can be read without a magnifying glass, while large sections detailing the sins of the Pharisees are not. The most popular Bible memory verses are generally in the larger font, while the swathes of verses surrounding them are, for the most part, not.

"Let's make this very clear," says VFF leader Don Waltzy. "We are NOT removing any verses from the Holy Scriptures. We're just making it easier to see the really important ones."

Waltzy stated that a team of experts, some of whom had up to three semesters of Greek and/or Hebrew in their Bible College educations, worked to translate and edit the new publication. The team added sidebars with excerpts from popular Christian fiction like This Present Darkness in Ephesians, the Left Behind series in the book of Revelations, and Janette Oke's Love Comes Softly in the Song of Solomon. An appendix with quotes from the Founding Fathers was also added.

"We feel like this will be a valuable contribution to the local Christian community," Waltzy says. "It will also help to counter some of the arguments we get into with people who want to quote verses that challenge our godly, conservative worldview. We'll simply hand them our new Bible and say, 'Would you mind reading that verse aloud for me?'"